Spiritual Bypassing and the Myth of “Toxic Emotions”

One of the most important—yet often overlooked—aspects of health and wellbeing is the impact our emotions have on our physical health.

Our emotions, and how we process them (or don’t process them), have a profound influence on the body. Our attitude, resilience, and ability to cope with emotional stress and life’s challenges all shape our physical wellbeing.

Research continues to confirm a strong and undeniable mind–body connection—one that can either support healing and resilience or undermine immune function and overall health. Some emotional states are life-affirming, flooding the body with hormones that enhance immune response. Others, when chronic or unresolved, can trigger stress hormones and biochemical changes that strain the system.

It’s well established that prolonged states such as depression, resentment, hopelessness, grief, and chronic negativity are associated with reduced immune function and increased disease risk.

So if you’ve been on a healing journey for any length of time, you’ve probably heard the phrase:
“You need to get rid of toxic emotions.”

You may have even heard me say something similar—because for a long time, I believed that too.

But as my understanding of emotional health has deepened, I’ve come to realise something important:

There are no toxic emotions.

Yes—you read that right.
There are no toxic emotions.
Only unhealthy patterns and behaviours.

Emotions themselves are simply energetic signals. They are neither good nor bad, regardless of whether we label them as “positive” or “negative.”

Anger, for example, can motivate us to protect ourselves or take action in the face of threat or injustice.
Fear can prevent us from doing something dangerous or harmful.

There are no right or wrong emotions. They are all valid.

Much like electricity, emotions carry an invisible charge. Ideally, that charge moves through us, is felt, processed, and then dissipates. Once the triggering event has passed, the nervous system naturally returns to a state of regulation, presence, and calm.

Problems arise however, when that process gets interrupted, for example:

When we ruminate or get lost in the stories that keep us emotionally activated
When the stress of an emotional event isn’t discharged from the body
When emotions are suppressed, dismissed, or denied

These patterns—not the emotions themselves—are what can negatively affect immune health and physical wellbeing.

So no, you don’t need to “get rid of toxic emotions” (There’s no such thing).

What most of us actually need is to learn emotional mastery—because very few of us were ever taught how.

Like many people, I grew up in a culture that viewed emotions and vulnerability as weakness. When I felt scared, angry, grieving, overwhelmed, or upset, I put on a brave face, shrugged it off, and repeated the familiar phrase: “Shit happens.”

In doing so, I ignored, invalidated, and disconnected from my very real emotional experience.

Emotional mastery wasn’t something I learned until years after my second cancer diagnosis.

Before that, I spent time in ashrams in India, Thailand, and Australia, learning meditation—believing that quieting my mind was the missing link.

And it helped… until it didn’t.

Whenever I felt emotionally activated, I would meditate more and try to “stay positive.” What I was actually doing, however, was suppressing and bypassing my emotions—a pattern often referred to as spiritual bypassing.

I wasn’t meeting or processing the discomfort of big emotions. I was avoiding them.

Even when I told friends and loved ones about the cancer in my body for the second time, I shared the news while fighting back tears—holding it together, staying composed.

A classic example of emotional suppression.

The emotion itself wasn’t harmful.
My suppression of it was.

It’s a subtle but crucial distinction.

The longer emotions are denied, suppressed, or endlessly replayed through rumination, the more we interfere with the body’s ability to heal and recover.

This is exactly why emotional mastery is a core pillar of the HEAL Inside + Out Framework, and the Cancer Recovery Roadmap.

Because healing isn’t about eliminating emotions—it’s about learning how to safely feel, process, and move through them so the body can do what it was designed to do

If this landed for you, it may be a sign that your body is ready for a different kind of support. Emotional mastery—learning how to feel without bypassing or getting stuck—is a foundational part of true recovery. It’s also woven throughout my self-paced online Heal Inside + Out program, and my signature private 1:1 coaching program, the Cancer Recovery Roadmap, where we gently work with the nervous system, emotions, and body together.

There’s no rush. Just an invitation to take the next supported step, when you’re ready.