“I Survived the Treatments… So Why Do I Feel More Lost Than Ever?”
Last week, I made a post on Instagram after reading a comment from someone who had finished conventional cancer treatments. She shared that she kept hearing other survivors say things like, “I’m so grateful for my diagnosis—it was one of the best things that ever happened to me.” She, however, was not in a good place mentally or emotionally and couldn’t imagine ever feeling—or saying—the same.
And I totally related. I remember hearing similar claims—not just from other survivors, but from people who’d never faced a serious health crisis—while I was going through my own conventional treatments. I couldn’t imagine ever feeling grateful for what was happening to me. And to the people who said I might one day look back and feel grateful, despite having zero personal experience with a cancer diagnosis, I would just think: “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”
If you’ve felt the same—if you’re at a crossroads on your journey back to health—then this one’s for you.
I survived cancer treatments. I ticked every box on the medical checklist. I endured the surgeries, sat through the brutality of chemo infusions, and somehow made it to the other side. And yet… I felt more lost than ever.
This isn’t just my story. It’s the story I’ve seen repeated over and over in the women I’ve worked with—women who have walked the path of conventional cancer treatments (as-well-as those on an integrative healing journey).
The Paradox of Support
During treatment, your life is full. Every day is structured with appointments, blood draws, scans, and check-ins. Your loved ones show up when you need them most. They drop off meals. They sit with you on the couch while you binge-watch Netflix (or DVD box sets as it was, back in the day!). They cheer you on through every painful moment. Everyone wants to see you win!
You feel seen. You feel loved. You feel supported.
And then treatment ends. Everyone thinks you've won, but in the weeks and months that follow, you start to feel less and less like a winner as you grapple with the next phase of your new reality.
Recovery.
The weekly visits taper off and as your hair grows back, the support you leaned on so heavily begins to recede. You've spent months watching life go on around you while your world has been on pause as you silently counted down the days for it to all be over. And now that it is, stepping back into the world feels unfamiliar, daunting and hard.
Your body hasn’t caught up with life, nor has your mind. And as for your nervous system? It's in overdrive. No matter what you do, it feels permanently on high alert.
When Losing Your Health Feels Like Losing Yourself
You feel lost, and it’s not just because of the treatments. Somewhere along the way, you didn’t just lose your health.
You may have lost your hair or parts of your anatomy
You may have lost your menstrual cycle or your fertility altogether.
You might feel like you lost your femininity—or all the things that make you a woman.
You may have lost a sense of identity, a version of yourself you thought would always exist.
Everyone who knows you expects “normal,” but normal no longer exists for you. Your body feels unfamiliar. Your identity is glitching. The version of you that existed before this nightmare is gone, and as painful as that is, there's also probably a part of you that knows she was never meant to carry you into this next phase of life.
And so you’re in between—not the person you were, and not yet sure of the person you’re becoming. This is the Twilight Zone of healing, disorienting, alienating, and where nothing is as it was.
The Hidden Power in the In-Between
Here’s the paradox: this season that you’re in, if you surrender to it, can also be quietly powerful. It can even feel exciting, because from the moment you were diagnosed, you’ve likely been questioning everything about your life:
Your priorities
Your values
Your relationships
Your work
Your social life
Your life itself
And honestly? In my opinion, that’s not an accident. It’s exactly what a life-altering experience is meant to do—a divine tap on the shoulder, letting you know something about the way you’ve been living and operating needs urgent attention.
It's common that as you start making positive changes in your life, that you start to feel less aligned with aspects of who you were previously. Similarly, some family members or friends may feel uncomfortable with the emerging new version of you, because it you're not the person they knew before.
Perhaps you're rethinking job, or your purpose in life; maybe you don't want to go out drinking anymore; perhaps you've started to limit your exposure to environmental toxins and you're morphing into the 'weird' friend who wants to stay in so that you can get up early and exercise; or maybe you simply don't want to "do the things you used to do" because they no longer feel aligned.
That's growth, and although growth can be painful (hello growing pains) honestly? It's a good thing! I don't believe that we are meant to remain the same.
So, even though it feels uncomfortable, lonely, and uncertain, this is a season of re-evaluation, realignment, and awakening. Not regression or failure.
Your Nervous System is Still Healing
Right now, your energy is probably unpredictable. Similarly, your emotions may equally be unpredictable and feel louder than ever. And every time you catch your reflection, it startles you because you barely recognise the woman staring back.
I get it, and the unfortunate thing is that unlike if you were to break a bone, there's no estimation of when you can expect to be fully recovered. No finish line or roadmap for this phase of the journey. It’s just you and your healing body. While life continues to move on around you, yours seems to simultaneously move forward and fall apart.
But here’s the truth I’ve witnessed in my own healing, and in the countless women I’ve coached over the years:
Putting yourself back together after conventional treatments isn’t just about rebuilding your immunity, restoring gut integrity and putting out the fires of inflammation (that goes without saying if your goal is to reduce the risk of a recurrence).
True healing happens on a much deeper level. It is a remembering of your true essence. Who you really are at your core—the part of you that is wise, intuitive, and fully aligned with her body, her heart, her mind and her spirit.
Surrender to the Journey
Surrender doesn’t mean giving up. It means allowing yourself to sit in the in-between. It means letting yourself grieve the version of you that’s gone. It means listening to your body when it give you signals, your mind when it’s anxious, and your heart when it’s heavy.
When you do this, something extraordinary happens:
You begin to notice small moments of clarity and calm.
You start to reconnect with what truly matters to you.
You allow space for your nervous system to gradually recalibrate.
You slowly discover the version of yourself that wants to emerge.
The Invitation
Here’s my invitation to you: allow this time, to be the part of the journey to your true, authentic, self. Not the version from before cancer and the treatments that beat her down—but the version of you, the real you, the one who is wiser, intuitive, and finally listening to her own body.
If you allow it, this can be an exciting process, but trust me when I say, there's nothing linear about it! Some days will feel like you're kicking goals and making strides, others like three steps backward. That’s normal. And honestly, that's life in every stage.
You are in the midst of becoming who you really are. Embrace your weirdness!
What To Focus On Moving Forwards
Move slowly. It's sounds so cliche, but it carries so much truth. Your body, mind, and nervous system need time to recalibrate. Move slowly, with intention and enjoy the moments
Reconnect with yourself. Journaling, creative expression, quiet reflection, spending time in nature, or doing whatever it is that brings you joy. Pick up that pen or paint brush and express yourself, even if only for a few minutes a day.
Seek gentle guidance. Whether through books, online courses or community support, there are plenty of resources available, and I have several options for 1:1 coaching and guidance.
Honor the in-between. This is the space where your truest self is emerging.
You may not recognise her yet—but she’s already there. I know she is.. Waiting to emerge, more aligned and on purpose..
And one day, when you look back on this time, you’ll realise: the loss, the grief, and the uncertainty weren’t signs of weakness—they were the seeds of your transformation.
